Prioritizing the Homeschool Year, Part 2

I have not made my blog the habit that I once dreamed of, but I will try to write more often!

The last time I wrote, I was just starting the new school year.  This was to be my first homeschooling year completely on my own; no charter schools, no online schools, etc.  Just me and nobody else to blame.  But I find that I still struggle to find the right curriculum!  I was fairly disappointed with some of my selections - they sounded so good at the CHEA convention last May!  I got overwhelmed by the science book and we've just now gone back to it, out of my desire to finish something we started.  I modified my expectations and that seemed to help.  Finding the proper balance of school, working part-time, cleaning and getting proper rest has been a challenge!

My twelve-year-old has been expressing interest in attending the local high school when it is time and this has thrown me completely off!  I am happy that she is feeling more ready to enter the "real" world, where she has opportunities to be her real self, separate of me.  I'm thrilled to see these signs of independence, but it signals the beginning of the end (to me), and that has been in the forefront of my mind these last few months.  I have been struggling with whether or not I have all of the tools necessary to prepare her for high school.  It has felt like my best effort is not good enough.  She is behind academically, especially in math, and I haven't figured out the best way to help her.

So, when I friend told me about her plans to switch from homeschooling to a private Christian school, I took notice.  I've done some research myself, and started the steps towards possibly making this a reality for next fall.  I am overwhelmed with emotions about this, as I had come to identify myself as a homeschooling mom and took some pride in it.  But there's that word:  pride.  And what about my struggle to find the perfect balance?  I haven't won that battle yet!  Aren't I supposed to win that battle?  But it's not really about me.

The truth is I only started homeschooling in the middle of my daughter's first grade year because she was an out-of-the-box child who did not fit into a traditional classroom.  Will she fit in now?  Can she conform?  Do I want her to?  I feel that our decision to home school in one form or another the last six years has been good for my children as well as our family, but there may be an end in sight.  We're still trying to figure that out and all of these questions are in my head.

My priority in homeschooling has changed.  I am now focused on the possibility of preparing her for entry into a more traditional classroom setting, and that changes everything.  With a possible "end" in sight of  extended time with my girls, I have found myself trying to determine how many days are left and wondering what will I do with those days.  It is good, in a way, because this is helping me see how we spend our time in a different way and I think it is a good challenge.  It might be just what we need, regardless of what happens next school year.

I find these two verses encouraging to me at this time (and pretty much always):

Romans 11:36  For from him and through him and to him are all things.

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.

If I keep my eyes on Him and just focus on seeking God's will for my children, I know that the right decision will be made.  Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and for your continued grace in our lives.  Thank you for knowing our burdens and for asking us to give them to you.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to be the mother of these two girls.  I have been anxious, Father, about what is best for the children but I know that you have it covered and that I need not be anxious.  I release them to you, Lord; thy will be done.  Amen.